today when simei late..
but gugu say nevermind..
then nevermind lor..
i didn't know that ah gu never work today..
my mood go down when she say she never work but nevermind..
cas i'm used being alone..
why must my life be like that ..
i felt i'm very useless this evening..
sigh~! my stupid thinking come again..
i don know when will it stop..
why cant the stupid heart just stop..
i'm so tiired le..
i don wan waste stupid money on transplant or wadever..
cas is hard for a child to born in this family..
how i wish i never knew my stupid illness..
if , if my parent never move to ang mo kio..
if i never go to see doctor.
if i never told my parent that my waist there was bleeding everyday.
if i never told my parent i got alot of bruise on my knee.
if .... i never eat medicine~!
all this wont happen ..
i've alread triied my best ..
i know is bad to say that..
why must there be adult.. if there's no adult.. that would be great..
cas they will only try to understand..
they may not know how we feel.. but they just pretend it..
i just feel so tiired of saying this kind of thing.. always..
i've tried my best to rmb to eat medicine .
i've alread triied my best to smile.
why my blood count don really go good sometimes..
and i'm so worried but i cant say out..
i f**king hate my family..
i really want to be myself.. but i cant..
i wan to cry .. but i've to think before i criied.
will there be anyone who is crying then their parent is scolding for crying..
there may be yes .. and one of them is me.. there's one time..
i just started crying.. and my mother just scolded me.. and i just have to keep quiet ..
why cant i enjoy my childhood. wad i wan to do , also cannot do.. why must i have to obey my parents? ya they give birth to me.. but so..?
their stupid mouth always wan scold wad also can.. and we only can shut up..
except my bro&sis..

just like today..
shit her lor.. she just give me attitude without any reason..
wtf~!
i was like feel like using a knife to stab on my heart/neck or just jump off the building..
can anyone understand this feeling??
i don think so.. unless you've gone through..~!
i'm just freaking siick&tiired..
why cant people just hate me and ask me to go die..
then i can just jump off the building..
when people dote on you do they really dote on you?
i'll just believe one girl - cas she always cheer me up..
and she will always be there for me when i niid her..
but she's no longer around.. nobody understand me..
sometimes i feel very sleepy , then i will think
hope i can sleep forever and never wake up~?
but i always wake up.. and i will told myself that i got to smile..
cas only smile can hide my sadness..
not i wan to pretend myself.. in this kind of family..
wad emotion you wan to show out but you cant .
cas they will say you siiao ~!

i should end here..
continue when i've time~!

and and and thanks priscilla for always lending me your ears.
so much thanks to say to you~! hope you give birth to a cute cute child~!
takecares loads ..